While I was washing my hands in the ladies room, she complimented me on my purse.  In turn, I asked her where she was from because her accent sounded very American.  She is originally from Korea but went to high-school and University in the States and Canada.  We exchanged numbers and a friendship was born.

Back home, I never really do major shopping with my friends.  If I’m shopping for shoes and purses, I will let them tag along.  However, if I’m shopping for clothes, it’s usually a one woman show.  I’ve fluctuated between a size 12-16 during my adult life and never really wanted to bring my “under size 8″ friends along for the ride.  My new friend, M, is way under a size 8.  She is barely a size “0″.  Of course it looks perfectly natural on her since it appears to be genetic but it would give me great joy to know she had to eat 1 carrot a day to fit into those super skinny jeans.

So, the last time we had coffee, it must have slipped out that I had never been to Coex Mall and she gasped, “Really??”  It’s not just a mall; it’s the largest underground mall in Asia.  Along with retail stores, it has a museum, aquarium and a movie theater all rolled into one.   As soon as she said, “We have to go there next time we meet”, I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy.  If I don’t like shopping with my American friends, the good lord knows I will be cringing when I shop with my Korean friend.

Though I thought about it, I didn’t back out of going on this excursion.  If anything, I thought maybe this would help me start exercising.  I mean, anything is possible, right??  So, we meet and we just stroll through the grounds at first but eventually we enter a “way under size 14″ store.  She is thumbing through almost every hanger in the store as I peruse the limited purses and shoes they have.  I think I looked at one “biggish” sweater and she suggested I try it on.  I said, “M, I can’t wear this.  I need to lose at least 40 pounds before I can try on clothes in a Korean clothing store”.  To which she replied, “What?? Why do you want to lose weight?  You’ll lose your glamour.”

My what?? My glamour.  I laughed a little but instantly adored the term.  I never thought of my “more than generous” curves and cleavage as my glamour.  I don’t want to condone being overweight b/c it sure isn’t what the doctor ordered for a healthy long life.  However, until I can finally lose those final wretched 40 pounds, why not be a little positive and call it “My glamour”.

The both of us didn’t buy anything substantial but we had a good window shopping time.  And even though I was envious of her being able to fit into everything in that damn mall, it was comforting to know that she might even wish she had a little bit of my glamour…

I’ve always loved cities and what goes on in them.  The constant noise, traffic and endless choices of things to do appeals to my nature.  I’ve always said I would never move to the surburbs because I hate cookie-cutter anything.  However, trying out a suburb in a different country doesn’t seem as horrid as doing it back home.  At least here, there is still some adventure with daily activities being that I still don’t speak Korean(smh).

Self-evolving is a trip.  Five years ago, I never would have been able to live in a suburb.  Depression would have set in fast and I would have been running back to the city with only the clothes on my back if necessary.  But now, it’s quite calming to be away from it all.  I’m about an hour away from “it all” so it’s close enough to still go and fill up on “city life” when needed.  I do get bored every now and then because I don’t have any friends in my new town but it’s not too bad.

Growing up is not the only reason for moving to the sticks changing my environment.  The other reason was pure and simple economics.  I spend too much damn money in the city!  I hardly ever turn down an invitation to do anything so being in Seoul was detrimental to my financial health.  Most people that come to teach over here are hypnotized by the “You can save half your paycheck” line spilling out of recruiter’s mouths.  While this is true to some extent, it is very hard to do.  If you are not frugal back home, then 9 times out of 10, you will not be frugal in a new country.  Especially with all the instant friends you will accumulate and cool places to travel that will just burn a hole in your bank account.

Everyone knows that Mark Twain quote about not regretting things that you did and I don’t but sometimes, I look at my bank account and go, “Why lord Why??”  I have done a lot of cool things in the past 2 years that prolly would have taken me a long time to do if I was just working back home but now I’m on a mission.  A “saving” mission that is.  I’m not doing any big traveling this year and I’m cutting back on partying, lattes and restaurants.  It’s gonna be tough but I’m excited to see my bank balance go up and not down.  And at the end, I intend on rewarding myself with something extremely cool that I’m not going to announce now.  Me and K are doing something big in 2012 and before ya’ll say what about your bank balance going down again.  I reply, “This is a saving mission, not a keeping mission”….

The Next Chapter – written August 07′

One of my best friends left LA last night to go and get married in Australia. She and her fiance are happily awaiting their nuptials in a few weeks. They met 2 years ago, fell in love quickly, and decided to get hitched. After they get married, they are permanently relocating to Australia to start their new life together.

In the past couple of years, many of my friends have been getting married, having babies and moving to new cities, in hopes of embarking on the next chapter of their lives. I can’t help but think back to a conversation I had with my mother when I was 25 years old. She insisted on bursting the fantasy bubble I lived in at the time. Back then, all I cared about was having a great time with my girlfriends and not putting too much thinking towards the future. I always had big dreams of what I thought the future held for me but when I was younger, the “future” seemed so far away. I was more interested in where my next cocktail was coming from!

So my all too responsible Mother decides to sit me down one holiday while I was visiting her and says, “Baby, I know you love how your life is right now but it will change soon. Your friends will get married and move on and you have to start preparing for that”. Of course I knew my fantasy bubble couldn’t last forever but I wasn’t ready to step out of it. Not quite yet. I didn’t want to discuss the topic any further so I just said my infamous, “I know that Mom!”

Fast forward 5 years to present day and she was right. I knew she was right because she is always right and not in the “Parent’s have life experience” under their belt kind of right. My mother is extremely intuitive and kinda clairvoyant at times; so she is always right even when I don’t want her to be. I took heed to what she told me 5 years ago and in the past 2 years, I slowly started taking steps to prepare for the next chapter.

It might sound odd but I purposely stopped hanging out with my close circle of friends as much. I stopped being the friend they could always count on as being present at every social occasion. I started hanging out with just myself so I could learn to be happy with just me. I took myself out to dinner, movies and the occasional bar and I had fun with me. I began to learn how to not make the life I had with my friends so crucial to my existence.

The next chapter of life can mean many different things at different stages of our lives. It can be going to college, starting your career, getting married, having babies or dealing with the death of loved ones. But underneath it all, I think my mother was trying to tell me that the next chapter of life is learning how to be alone and enjoying it.

Learning how to be alone comes at different times for everyone and no one can escape it. Friends leave, siblings leave, children leave and spouses leave. The only person that will always be left is you. My mother says I am lucky to learn this life lesson now when I am young than when I am old. She didn’t learn how to enjoy being alone until I went away to college and she still says that was the hardest moment she had faced in her life up until then. Codependency can truly be a bitch at times.

I still soak up and love the company of my friends but I have left the fantasy bubble and I have no intentions of ever going back.

One of my coworkers took me to Dragon bar within my first month in Seoul and I was stoked to find a place that could properly make a Cosmo in this city.   I could really digress about some of the “martinis” I’ve been served in this town but I’ll leave that for another day.  Our boss also frequently visited this place a lot and if you happened to be there the same time as him, he would comp your drinks! Although he would only continually pay for whatever libation you were drinking at the moment(curse those nights I decided to save cash and have beer when he magically appeared!)

This bar became our “Cheers”.  We developed good relationships with the bar staff and they always seemed so excited when we came to blow our paychecks walked through the doors.  After the first year, my friends and I all took different jobs and moved to other parts of Seoul.  We would pop into Dragon occasionally and the pics to follow are from a night last June when we just so happened to pop in on their anniversary night.  Needless to say, it was a sh*t show but a very fun one indeed.  Enjoy…

Being the only black person in my class from grade 3-7 – In my head, I was the star …

Moving 6 times in 1 year during my childhood – In my head, it was an adventure…

Always being the chubby girl amongst my group of friends – In my head, I am/was thick-boned!

So moving to S. Korea didn’t really surprise people who know me.  Superwoman I can do anything, right?  Of course, I had setbacks (see here) and some minor culture shock (one more time) but when I came home 6 weeks ago, I didn’t expect to experience it in the reverse.

My first stop after the ROK was good ole La – La land.  LA can even provide culture shock to some Americans who don’t regularly see celebs, palm trees and dogs in baby-carriers trolling the streets.

At first, I was glad to be out of the wintry weather of Seoul and back into the warm breeze of LA.  I went to one of my favorite macrobiotic cafes one afternoon and I felt like I was in the trenches of what some perceive Hollywood to be.   A third of the patrons were on power lunches from the local studios.

I overheard deals being made between what I assumed to be producers.  Everybody looked like they had walked off of some movie set and if they didn’t have anywhere important to be, they sure played the part with Blackberry’s/Ipod’s glued to their ear.

I felt like I was in OZ and simply out of place.  I didn’t have a cellphone and I walked about a mile to get there. Remember, nobody walks in LA but I didn’t rent a car and decided to venture on the train/bus.  Which I decided only crazy people take!  There were some i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t.i.n.g looking folks on those trains.

One main difference was hearing all the English around me.  At first, it was great but after a day, a bit overwhelming to be able to understand 100% of everything.  There are some pieces of people’s lives that I have no interest in overhearing.

At the cafe, I ordered a macroburger aka veggie burger.   Two years ago, I adored this sandwich but now it seemed the bread swallowed the taste of the veggie patty.   Don’t get me wrong, the bread was yummy but too much to handle for my rice accustomed palate.

One woman in front of me was eating a spinach salad with balsamic vinegar which consisted of only spinach and vinegar.   From her looks, she had to be an actress or a wannabe actress.  This man next to me actually mouthed to his companion, “Don’t you just feel good putting healthy things into your body”.

I totally get wanting to eat healthy but it almost seemed as if he was treating it as the new “it” thing to do.  I wanted to yell, “check” but of course I didn’t.

On my walk back to the bus stop, I realized this was reverse culture shock rearing it’s head big time.  Lots of other things seemed strange in the city that I used to call home and I kept reminding myself how normal my own life had been there.  Well, as normal as it could have been in the land of celebs, palms trees and dogs in baby-carriers…

Ok, I’m 150% sure that no one ever checks this blog anymore.   But, I want to post my photos from the past year that are collecting dust in my documents.   The last year was great; I became very settled in Seoul and I decided to stay here longer than 2 years.  I think for now, I won’t put an expiration date on when I leave because these years keep flying by and I keep extending.  Now, I’m at home visiting my parents for 10 weeks in Texas.  My mother is stoked to have me home and says that she has to relish every moment of my visit.  Awww, isn’t that cute.    Ok, back to the pictures!  I’m gonna start with photos from April 2009.  It was cherry blossom season in Korea and I was constantly outdoors soaking up the fleeting good weather.  I heard it just snowed last week in Seoul so hopefully spring will come soon for you guys.  Enjoy…

On the way to Namsan Mountain/Seoul Tower

I spot a cherry blossom

Yay, lots of cherry blossoms!

Emma's giving Emiko a funny look...

More cherry blossoms; I'm gonna miss them this year!

A performance that day

Spectators watching

lots of workout equipment at parks in Seoul

Lunchtime! It's okonomiyaki and my noodle dish

on the way to the subway, we passed a protest